the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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