I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
