even my farts smell like vagina
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
