Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
