I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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