I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
