did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize