There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
