dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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