WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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