I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
