I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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