He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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