the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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