but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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