he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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