i can't believe i had my finger in that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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