she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
