The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
