I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize