Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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