When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
as a side note pls kill me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
