i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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