Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
