I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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