my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
