its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
