he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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