cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My breasts were aching with rage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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