Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
