awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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