Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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