Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
