That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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