He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
