I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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