this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
