State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
