Im at strip club and am horny
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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