Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
