well I can't set my house on fire every night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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