you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
