I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
