I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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