i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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