So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
