So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
