I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
