just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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