Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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