Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
