God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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