turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
