so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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