I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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