yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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