I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
