I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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