so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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