You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
did i just pee glitter
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
